Feedback from Pitch 2 – “I wish you weren’t a genie”


1. As a group we were told “our story is too long and drags on”.

To resolve this problem we decided to change the beginning of our story but first cutting out unnecessary scenes and also by switching the characters motivation in the film around.

2. We were also told that we had “too much dialogue”.

As we are now cutting out the beginning, we are now making our dialogue minimal.

3. However, we were told that our story is now better than the first pitch as it has better motivation in it.

From the first feedback, we have worked around the randomness of the events and put in what is needed
Posted by Gemma Thomas at 4.10.09
Labels: Feedback
Feedback 1

“We don’t have a name or any names of characters yet”

We have now decided to call our characters Luke, Genie and Olivia.


“There is currently no name for our story”

The name for our story is currently Luke and the genie.


“Should be clear where the bullies’ get the lamp from”

We have now resolved this and the character ‘Luke’ is the one who finds the lamp in his bag after coming into contact with them in a drama lesson.


“The way the wishes suddenly turn from bad to good is a slightly random”

In our second story idea we need to make our character profile for the character genie more obvious to the audience as it shows her as wanting to be a very pleasant person and she does not like doing things wrong.


“How are we going to give the impression that the girl is not there”

We can give the impression that the girl is not there by telling other characters to ignore her or using cuts which show nothing one moment and then her appearing out of nowhere. Also the extra characters can give facial expressions towards Luke as if he is crazy.


“Suggestion: we could use glitter to show magic”

We Have decided against using glitter as a special effect as we thing it will be messy and unreliable.


“Suggestion: Play on the genie idea, as she is not there”

We have decided to incorporate this into our new story more without making it too lengthy.





“It should be a younger character as an older character would not believe there was a genie”

We did not believe that this was the case and that the nature of the boy would be captured to ensure that the audience completely understands why the boy would believe something which would seem to be quite farfetched.


“Why did the boy in our story get bullied?”

The character Luke is new and therefore is not popular, he also has different interests unlike he others and therefore is tormented by his classmates.



“This would mean that continuity is affected as younger children do not have exams”

Our character is going to stay of his current age


“Ending has the pleasure of predictability”

We are going to make the ending less predictable and more of a shock



“Gold colour relates to the story”

We are going to try to incorporate the colour gold into the genies attire


“Fairytale, Cinderella feel to it”

Our story became fairytale genre as we were creating the story and we would like to make it less of a strict fairytale and make it more of a teen fantasy.


“Story has a lot of students which would mean there is a lot of cast which could
Cause problems”

We will try to get as many people as possible and may have to cut down if there is a lack of people available.



“Certain elements to the story are quite random”

We have thought about this and try tried to resolve this as best as possible.


“Too many scenes need to cut it down”

We have tried to make our movie more logical and also reduce the amount of scenes as much as possible.


“Story use’s too many locations which could be reduced”

We have tried to reduce the length this can be done by reducing the amount of locations.


“Randomness of the lamp needs to be explained”

We decided to change the lamp but instead we have decided to give it a purpose and not just something random.


“Ending needs to be more Logical”

We Have decided to show the Genies character better which should make it less illogical.


“The way the genie disappears but grants him a last wish is random”

We Have decided to show the Genies character better which should make it less illogical as the character of the genie is to be foolish but reluctant to make mistakes.


“Needs to be a more obvious trigger”

We have decided to include something which makes the main character Lukes wishes seem more obvious.


“Narrative development, something needs to be added into the middle of the story”

We will resolve this buy adding and taking away parts of the story.